January 2011
13 posts
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this weekend i will be filling out the paperwork for my possible future apartment, a small loft in florida with high ceilings and a skylight.
mine and mine alone.
alone in the warm world unless i choose otherwise.
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tea & sympathy - rose petal tea, two scones with clotted cream and jam a salt & battery - fried sole and chips, malt vinegar and tartar sauce
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returning to the city for four more months. the noise of the world becomes incessantly louder, more forceful.
the moon is full tonight, suspended like some sort of pale yellow balloon.
swallowonmyneck:
the noise of the city tells stories of me to me.
what will i do when the city is no longer there to remind me of who i am? it accepts me, welcomes my self-torment with open arms, leaves me aching for movement, inspiration, motivation. it tortures me, and i grow.
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a thought: at least i’ll finally be able to go to the fest.
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i become more and more a recluse. i sit here, knitting a large wool scarf. i think about when i have to leave new york. no more smiling at unresponsive strangers. no more underground boxing matches. no more friends down the hall. no more concrete cages.
i will try to make the most of this semester. and i will try to make the most of what comes afterward.
once again, these are just...
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every night around 3 AM, i lose myself in the darkness of my bedroom. i stare at the veins in my hands and think about everything. i feel as if i’m watching myself live my life, distant and disconnected. i have no passion these days. i only have the desire for passion.
there is sad news. there is a high likelihood that i will not be returning to new york next academic year.
the reason is that the financial costs are too high.
this makes me very sad. it is out of my hands.
please don’t share this news with anyone at the moment. i have yet to discuss it with anyone but my parents. i simply felt the need to let it out of my head.
thank you.
