December 2010
10 posts
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these few days i have been studying ways to make animal masks. wolves, mostly, and foxes. predators. also in planning: antlers for deer, prey.
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tonight would be ideal for a bonfire, fruit tea, and staring at the moon and stars. if i were home, that would be exactly what i’d do. instead, i am here in new york, where concrete cages everyone and everything. the stars don’t exist here. everyone just forges ahead, burrowing their noses in their scarves. the winter solstice is nothing but another cold night.
i am here, reading...
you, i miss you.
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adagio in G minor, strings and organ
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sometimes i feel so desperate that it seems as if my chest is bursting open and the insides of me are cascading out from its cavity. i am so restless with a desire to experience things i can’t articulate that my head is filled with a pressure great enough i can barely swallow. there is forever that feeling at the base of my throat as if my trachea is constricted, some invisible thing...
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there’s a dragon that lives on the other side of my wall. every night, i hear him, his inhales, his exhales, the air rushing into and out of his lungs. i can imagine his shoulder blades heaving, his folded wings rising and falling.
the ground vibrates with each of his breaths. i submerse myself in the sound of his insufflation, his rough lullaby.
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i want to be alone, sitting on a windowsill, staring out into the city. blank mind, no thoughts, just breathing and void. glazed eyes, only movements of blurred shapes.
everything is overwhelming. i try and try and fail.
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often, when you’re alone, there is the opportunity to have conversations with strangers that are better than those you have with your friends.
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breathing for twenty years - shallow inhales, exhales.
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